Shudder
by muggleborn.dragon.ryder
Summary: The pride and screw-up of Berk makes his final mistake...AU of the second movie. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN HTTYD2, BECAUSE THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS. Rated T for future chapters and for grief.
1. Chapter 1

**_Shudder_**

**A/N: I know this chapter is kinda short, but the next few should go over 2 or 3k. I wanted this one to be 2k, but I didn't really know how to continue it without making it feel awkward and choppy. I'm horrible at having a chapter flow -.- I need to work on that. Anyway, the title of this story might be changed later, and it doesn't make sense now, but once the actual AU starts taking place, I think it will make a lot more sense. **

**Anyway, this wouldn't have even been written, except that I really wanted to go see HTTYD2 again, and GUYS OMIGOSH THERE WAS THIS HUGE LIKE CARDBOARD STAND FOR IT AT THE THEATER THAT READ, 'THIS SUMMER, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FLY' LIKE OH MY GOSH GUYS OH MY GOSH I FREAKING LOST IT. I took a picture of it, too xD I loved it so much x3 I'm actually surprised at how much I liked this movie, considering how low my expectations were for it. I loved the first one, but when I found out the second one was five years in the future, I thought it was going to fall flat. But no, actually, it was really amazing, and I loved it! I do disagree with Jay Baruchel when he says it blew the first one out of the water, because I still like the first one better MOSTLY BECAUSE STOICK DOESN'T FREAKING DIE I SWEAR HICCUP FREAKING NEEDS A FATHER AND DREAMWORKS DOESN'T EVEN FREAKING CARE GOD ;-;**

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The air smells like smoke, but I'm not really smelling it. Faintly, I taste the ashes on my tongue, but I'm not really tasting them. I mechanically take the wooden bow and arrow Gobber offers me, but I don't even register that they're there, in my hands. I'm not really here. And I know that my father deserves better than that, deserves his son to be present at his funeral, but living in the present just hurts so much.

How do I go on now? Where do I go? How do I get out of this dark corner that his absence has backed me into?

Vaguely, I register that Gobber's speaking and my eyes are wet. I don't try to stop the tears when they fall. All I can do is watch that last bit of my father sail farther and farther away from me. I light the arrowhead with the embers at my feet, orange-yellow flames springing to life on the metal tip. I envy the fire, for how alive it must feel. I think I've died along with my father.

I pull the bowstring tight, knowing tears are blurring my vision, but letting the flaming arrow fly all the same. I watch it soar into the sky and find its target, the boat. Another tear escapes.

Gobber has fallen silent. I realize that this is supposed to mean it's my turn, that a chieftain's successor is always supposed to say a few words. I don't want to say a few words. I want to run, as far and fast as I can. I want to find a quiet place all alone and cry my heart out for everything that I have lost today.

But somehow, some way, across the span of years and months and weeks and days, across the span of oceans and clouds, one of my father's teachings comes back to me: _"A chief is a leader first, and a man second."_

So I swallow back my uncertainties, and begin to speak as the others shoot their arrows, too.

"I was so afraid of being like my father…" I didn't even know I was going to start like this, but here I am. "Mostly because I didn't think I could. I mean, how do you be like somebody that brave? That…that selfless…" I'm crying again, my voice surely shaking with sobs. I want to stop. I don't want to speak anymore.

I remember how eager I was, when I was younger, to be a man. I'd scowl fiercely at anyone who called me 'little' and argue with my dad until the cows came home about how I really was a tough and fearless Viking man, just like him. Without him by my side, I suddenly feel as small and helpless as a little boy again. Slowly shrinking down, curling in on myself, deeper and deeper. I keep trying to shut the world out like a kid who can't figure out why there are all these loud noises. And, like a kid, I can't understand why this isn't working.

"I don't know," I whisper through my tears, still crying and shaking.

And then I think of Toothless, still under Drago's command, still being controlled by the alpha, and that knife in my chest rips even deeper. I have lost nearly everything today, things that I took for granted, like my father, or things that I thanked the gods for every morning, like Toothless.

And some of these things, like my father, are things I can't ever, ever get back. And some of these things, like Toothless, still have hope. There's still hope for him.

And though it feels like I'm bleeding sorrow and regret and grief and every other emotion imaginable, even though I feel like running and screaming and crying until I can't run or scream or cry anymore, I remember my father's words. _"A chief is a leader first and a man second." _And now I realize that he taught me that so, when something like this happened, I would know how to go on. I would not simply sink down and give up, letting the world have its way with me. He taught me to fight against everything that fate and the gods threw at me, and to come out stronger for it.

My heart squeezes in my chest. The hot tears blur my eyes. But now, for the first time, I truly understand that he wasn't trying to pressure me when he said that, but trying to teach me something. I swipe at my eyes, and I'm still crying, silent tears pouring down my face, into the ocean, where they float away, forgotten, and sobs trapping themselves in my chest and making it hard to breathe. And I'm watching my father's boat fade into the distance, behind thick and murky gray fog.

But I know now that my father tried his hardest to teach me how to be a fighter, and I realize now that fighting is what I have to do.

It seems like an eternity that we stand there, watching the boat fade out of sight and yet, it also feels like five seconds. I feel the others watching me, staring at me, waiting for my next move. I want to turn around and tell them that I have no plan, that I'm flat-out of ideas and a complete failure, but I don't. My father did not teach me to be a failure. He taught me to be a fighter. And that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to fight. I'm going to fight for him. For Toothless. For Astrid. For Mom. For everyone.

So I turn to look at them and I try to speak. I sound lost and scared, and I more mumble than announce, but I manage to get the words out, which feels like it takes a world of effort. "We have to go back."

"How?" Ruffnut crosses her arms, discarding her bow and raising one eyebrow. "Drago took all of our dragons, remember?"

I frown slightly as I consider this newest problem. I have been so caught up in thinking that the only thing I need to do now is get Toothless back and kick Drago off of that ridiculously high pedestal upon which he holds himself that I haven't really given a thought to how we're going to get off this island, and back to Berk. The moment this thought occurs, that any dragon we use will just be another for his army, a memory makes me smile. All the baby dragons clamoring over the alpha, chittering and chirping, until the bigger dragon shook them off without so much as a second look.

And my smile just grows bigger when I pull myself back out of the past, because now I don't just have something to fight for, I have something to hope for, as well. "Not all of them," I tell her, and they exchange confused looks, but I don't have time to explain anything.

Mom kind of blinks at me, but after a second, she sort of smiles as she understands. I run for the ice cave where the dragons used to reside, the dragons now commanded by Drago.

_But we're going to get them back, _I tell myself as I rush into the cave, scrambling over rocks and ice, looking around for the babies. There are a few wandering forlornly around the empty nest, as if looking for their alpha once again, but they're not really doing anything.

And suddenly, my heart squeezes again as I realize they are just as lost and alone as I am. They no longer have a leader, an alpha. I no longer have my father to show me the way. I have always felt a stronger connection with my dragon companions than with my human friends, but suddenly, I understand why. Right now, they completely get what I'm feeling, even though they're too young to know what grief is. They're too young to understand death, but they understand that their alpha is gone and that they miss him.

A gentle hand on my shoulder makes me look up. "Hiccup?" Mom is looking kind of concerned about me, and I know that she's guessed the dark path my thoughts have suddenly taken.

I try to smile for her. "I'm okay. C'mon. Let's get going."

"What are we doing?" Astrid appears behind me, one hand clenched around the handle of her axe. The twins, Snotlout, Fishlegs, and Gobber follow her in instantly, but Eret peeks in kind of cautiously, as if he's trying to decide whether or not he really wants to be involved in this.

"We're using the dragons that Drago left," I gesture to the babies, all crooning and moaning sadly for their lost alpha.

"Why are they doing that?" Tuffnut demands, putting his hands over his ears, as if hoping to block out the noise.

I kneel down next to them, picking a purple one up in my arms. He's small, but speedy and big enough to ride. I just hope that these dragons can carry us, because they have to. "They're looking for their alpha. They're trying to find their leader again, and they can't understand that he's gone." My voice kind of trembles, but nobody seems to notice, and I try to pretend that it didn't happen.

"Everybody, pick a dragon and let's get going. Drago's still out there, and he's still got our dragons."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Shudder**_

**A/N: ****SURPRISE**

**Yes, this is the surprise. Updating all of my eighteen in-progress fics at once. It was pretty crazy, but I did it, and it's here, and good day to you all! I had tons of fun doing this, so I hope you guys have tons of fun reading this!**

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The ice cave presents a ton of challenges for us on the baby dragons. Even Mom has to do some quick thinking to avoid crashing straight into a glacier at one point. But I don't care that it's hard to steer them. I don't care about anything except getting back to Drago. There is still a part of me that remains frozen, the part that is still crying helplessly over my father's ship, but there's nothing I can do for him. Nothing except be the chief that he always wanted me to be. And I will do that if it kills me.

It's as if there's a fire roaring in my chest, driving me onward, warning me I will get no rest until Drago is safely away from Berk once more and Toothless is out from under the alpha's control.

"WE CAN'T FLY THESE THINGS!" Tuffnut shouts from somewhere behind me, jerking me out of my reverie.

"I don't want to die!" Fishlegs whimpers.

"They're babies!" I yell back at them, ducking suddenly to avoid a protruding ice stalagmite. "They don't listen to anyone!"

"Some might suggest that this is pure lunacy!" Gobber hollers at me, trying to pull up beside me with little success.

"Well, it's a good thing that I never listen," I shrug, turning my gaze up ahead, where sunlight has begun filtering through the cave, showing me the exit. It seems impossible that the sun should still be shining after what has happened. It's eternal night inside me now, but the earth is still rotating.

"What's the plan, then?" Gobber does not seem perturbed by my unwillingness to land again; on the contrary, he sounds rather cheerful.

"Get back to Berk," I respond, with as much conviction and authority as I can muster. "And kick Drago's—

An ice wall separates us at this point, and I think my last word gets lost in the wind, but Gobber got the gist anyway.

We emerge out into the sunlight, and the dragons start crooning and moaning again, but this time they sound excited and expectant.

"What are they doing?" Tuffnut sounds frightened.

"I think they like the sun's warmth!" I call back. I hear Gobber asking Mom the same question a few feet away, and Mom replies in the same words. I coax my dragon a bit farther away from them, turning my attention to the sea spreading out in front of us in all directions, the ice cave at our backs.

The dragons are erratic, but fast fliers and the ice cave is, surprisingly, not too far away from Berk. The island comes into sight after we've only been flying for five hours or so, and the sun is beginning to set. I glance at my mother to see how she's taking all the changes to her old island, before remembering that it's almost nighttime and Drago is currently upon our island. He's probably ruined half of it already. I can't resist these dreary thoughts.

Eret is visibly relieved by the sight of the island; he's been making his desire for land louder and louder with each passing hour. Meanwhile, I've been talking less and less, avoiding everyone's questions. They want to know the plan, and the only plan I have is to kill Drago. The bloodlust in this thought surprises me, but all I register is a fierce need to make him pay for what he has done to me, my island, my people, my father and most of all, _my dragon_.

My hands clench suddenly and involuntarily into fists, and the dragon I'm riding gives a squeal of alarm and displeasure.

"Sorry." I unclench my hands again, taking a deep breath as I ride closer and closer to the outline of Berk.  
Eret whips by me again, begging his dragon to slow. Astrid is watching him with amusement in her gaze, nudging her own dragon gently in the side with her heel. It doesn't appear to have any effect, but at least her dragon is going at a reasonable pace.

I glance ahead again to see that Berk is now considerably more than an outline – I can see trees and lights and little houses perched precariously all around the island, lighting up the darkened sky. Drago's alpha is up in the sky, looming over the island. I can only imagine how terrified the people must be. And then, with another burst of rage, I see that Drago is riding Toothless. In my frozen daze after what happened in the ice caves, I never noticed that he actually got on Toothless' back. And I can't see their faces, but I wonder if Toothless' pupils are still oddly vertical. I shudder to think of it, to remember it.

But Toothless will not be under the alpha's control for long. I'll get him back. I'm his best friend, and he's mine. I point to the island, just in case the dragon I'm riding is expressing any interest in going beyond it. "There!"

The dragon, to my surprise, actually listens, shooting down and spreading his wings wide, pulling up beside Drago and Toothless. This is my chance.

"Your chieftain is dead!" Drago is yelling to the crowd of people, cruel laughter evident in his voice. "There is no one to protect you now."

"Who says?" That's probably not the best opening line, but it's clear that he hasn't yet noticed my presence, and I want this dealt with as quickly as possible. I will get Toothless back, and I don't care what it takes.

Drago starts and looks around, a sneer twisting his already lopsided mouth. And then it forms into an odd smile. "The Dragon Master," he hisses in a low voice, giving me a rather mocking bow.

I shoot him my best sarcastic smile as I reach out for Toothless.

"Still trying to turn him back?" he asks, amused. "It's no use – he's under my control, now. But by all means, Dragon Master – try."

I ignore the urge to give a sarcastic retort; I just scoot a little closer, now with only one leg still holding me onto the baby dragon; I'm almost completely off his back now, just reaching for him, hoping he'll hear my words for what they are. "Toothless – it's me. I'm right here, bud."

There is no change in his expression, but that doesn't matter – I won't give up. "Come back to me, bud. It wasn't your fault. They made you do it. And I know that you would never hurt him."

A Nightmare suddenly shoots a blast of fire at me and as the dragon swerves to avoid it, I slip off the purple creature's back, falling to the icy ground. It seems to take me a long time to fall, but with the cold wind blowing my hair back, it almost reminds me of whenever I free-fall with Toothless. I snap out my flight suit, extending my arms like wings and pulling all the buckles loose, so I rise back up to Drago's height. He looks startled, impressed and furious. The alpha shoots at me with a blast of ice that I duck to avoid.

"Sorry, but you can't kill me that easily!" I call to Drago, running my hands through my hair to keep it out of my eyes. Toothless is only a few inches from me, now – I can see myself reflected in those wide, oddly vacant eyes and my heart clenches. What has he done to my dragon, what has he made him do? I stretch out a hand for his snout again, but Drago smacks me away. "Get away from him." Every movement is jerky, every word tense, and this gives me hope. He doesn't want me close to Toothless. I fell too fast to see anything of the sort, but maybe he noticed a change. Maybe Toothless showed an instant of hesitation. And so long as my dragon is still there, so long as there's still hope for him, I still have something to fight for.

"Well, I would," I respond, kicking at thin air a bit to stay aloft; the wind up here does not appear to like me, as it buffets me this way and that, trying to push me back down. "But everybody always told me that I never listen to anyone – so, I'd be letting you down if I obeyed."

"Freeze him!" He cries to the alpha, but the dragon is slow and clumsy and I'm quick and agile and tiny.

"You can't outrun us forever!" Drago shrieks. The dragons, all of them, as one, every single one, turns their attention on me, abandoning any and all attempts to suppress the others, but I see why almost instantly. It's not because I pose the biggest threat – it's because everybody else, even Astrid and Mom, have already been captured. Nets are draped over them, and the dragons…the baby dragons are reduced to tiny lumps of ice on the ground, making an odd constriction in my chest before I turn back to Drago.

The alpha keeps trying to attack me at the same moment the other dragons do, but the issue is, they're being pretty counter-productive about it. The fire and ice collide in midair, and when the elements mix, the fire melts the ice, raining water down on me (so threatening) or freezing the flames where they stand. Another frozen jet of orange thumps onto the ground and I weave in and out of the falling fire-encased-in-ice blocks to get back to my dragon.

"Shoot him," Drago intones to Toothless.

"No!" I reach out a hand to stop him, but Toothless is building up the blast in his throat, preparing to do it. My dragon is going to kill me at a single word from Drago. He is not himself, and I know this, but the realization cuts deeper than I ever would have thought. The familiar knife in my chest has gone in about as deep as it can now. I drop down to avoid Toothless' blast, and as it soars harmlessly over my head, ruffling my hair as it passes, I realize I need to think up a new plan. Evading the alpha, relying on the dragons' fire to melt the alpha's ice and relying on Toothless coming back to himself isn't enough anymore. I can convince Toothless, I can talk him down, but not right now. I need a new plan. My eyes land on Astrid, struggling to cut herself out of the net, but her axe has disappeared. With a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I see it lying ten feet away, probably dropped when the dragons captured her with their nets. Eret is attempting to saw his way out with his knife, but the net's material is thick, and it'll take him a long time to get a man-sized hole going. My mom discarded her staff earlier, much earlier, and she carries no other weapons.

Snotlout and Tuffnut are both fighting the nets, but the harder they punch at the material, the tighter the band gets, forcing them farther down.

"Guys!" I'm not aware of my decision to land, I just know that's what I'm doing, tripping over myself, tearing off my flight suit attachments and tucking them back in. "Guys, don't fight the nets, that just makes them worse! Hang on!" I reach for my fire sword, but at that moment, the alpha shoots a sharp blast of ice at me, surrounding me in freezing cold darkness.

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**A/N: DUN DUN DUN **

**Oh, Drago. You do realize Hiccup has a _fire sword,_ right? Did he not display this to you upon first meeting you? Yes, that's right, if memory serves, he did. And as I recall, you were an exceptionally clever antagonist, so why are you being so idiotic right now? Convenience purposes? I thought so. Bad idea. Hiccup is gonna make it out of that ice, methinks, and most likely kick your butt. Of course, maybe not ;-) **


End file.
